Jennifer's Body Review

SORRY FOR MY REVIEW BEING SO LATE. I MUST BE HONEST, I’VE BEEN VERY BUSY LATELY AND HAVEN’T HAD THAT MUCH TIME TO WATCH MOVIES. I MANAGED TO SEE THIS FILM LAST WEEKEND BUT I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO WRITE MY REVIEW. SO NOW THAT I’VE HAD SOME SPARE TIME, HERE’S MY REVIEW FOR “JENNIFER’S BODY”.

To the all people going into this movie hoping to see Megan Fox naked, I must deliver some very disappointing news. There is absolutely no nudity in this film. Not from Megan Fox; not from Amanda Seyfried; not from anybody. That’s also one of the reasons why my grade for “Jennifer’s Body” is lower than it could’ve been. No I’m not a pervert, but when the filmmakers promised nudity and went back on their promise, that was just mean. So sorry guys, no Megan Fox nudity, but this would’ve been the perfect movie for some too. Then again even without the anticipated nudity, “Jennifer’s Body” actually turns out to be good entertainment. This film was written by Diablo Cody who won an Oscar for her screenplay for “Juno” 2 years ago. While “Juno” is a far superior film, “Jennifer’s Body” is funny, creepy, and devilishly sexy.

As seen in the trailer, the film revolves around Jennifer (Megan Fox) being possessed by a demon who then goes off seducing and killing boys. One of the best things about the film is the fucked-up friendship between the two main characters, Jennifer and Needy (played by “Big Love’s” Amanda Seyfried). They are complete opposites, yet you the sense that they are incomplete without each other. Needy being the nerd and Jennifer being the bitch, the two characters play off of each other and those scenes are even better when you have good dialogue. Hats off to Diablo Body for creating some truly original and funny dialogue.

Now individually, Seyfried is the better actress. She already proved she can act with her great performance on “Big Love”, and she delivers a hilarious performance. She is extraordinarily convincing and she brings out the emotions and uses them full charge. Megan Fox on the other can’t do shit without Seyfried by her side. She sucks at acting and like I’ve said before: if it weren’t for her looks, she would not have a career. She displays no enthusiasm or emotion when reading a single line and I felt no sympathy for her when she goes through some seriously ugly shit.

There is also a decent supporting cast in the film, with the highlight being J.K. Simmons. He is a great actor whose screen presence always brightens my day. He is a truly charming man with a sweet undertone and is hilarious at the same time. The same cannot be said for Adam Brody and Johnny Simmons. I have heard a lot of positive reaction to Brody’s performance, but I thought he was just as bland as Megan Fox and he was painful to listen to. Johnny Simmons is also boring to watch. When we are supposed to laugh for him and feel sorry for him, I wanted to beat his face in with a crow bar.

The film also has some truly stunning special effects. When Jennifer turns into a demon, I almost jumped out of my seat. Surprisingly, there are also some really cool kills in this film and a good amount of gore. On the very negative side of the film, the soundtrack is very annoying and tedious. Even with one great song (one by Panic! At the Disco), most of the songs all sounded the same and are truly unoriginal. The soundtrack kills the horror film vibe and it makes it even more obvious that “Jennifer’s Body” is another one of those hipster films.

Overall, “Jennifer’s Body” is good fun. While it is very disappointing that there is no nudity, there are enough laughs and thrills to justify the matinee price. B-

9 Review

Anticipation can be such a pain in the ass sometimes. Sometimes it pays off (“The Dark Knight”), and other times it just destroys you (“Public Enemies”). Now when anticipating a film based on the trailer, there are two things that the movie can be. First, it could be a really bad movie with all the decent parts being shown in the trailer. On the other hand, the trailer can just be a tiny preview of the enormous entertainment that the film has. The trailer for “9” is mind-blowing, featuring some truly bad-ass shots and a great song to go with the trailer (“Welcome Home” by Coheed & Cambria; seriously get this song on your iPod). Unfortunately, this is one of the times where the trailer is much better than the movie itself. “9” isn’t terrible, but it’s not good either. The simple story is really stretched out and the characters are extraordinarily underdeveloped. But, it is also a gorgeous-looking movie with breathtaking animation and some big “holy shit” moments.

The story is very simple: nine living rag dolls fight against Terminator-like machines that have destroyed all humanity. That’s it. I’m not kidding, there is nothing else. For a movie that could’ve had a very complex and intriguing story is replaced by a very simple and predictable one. There have many complaints about the runtime of this movie (it’s 80 minutes), and I’m one of the complainers. We get no time for character development or thoughtful insight on the war, or the rag dolls, or even the machines. I would’ve loved to seen more machines than they had in the film, and the coolest looking machine only has a 5-10 minute appearance. I felt absolutely nothing for these characters and I really didn’t care what was going to happen after I knew the whole story. I pretty much predicted who was going to die and what was going to happen, and they even show one major death in the trailer.

The film feels like its building up to this stunning finale and it’s going to blow me away. The sad part is it ended in such a boring and uncreative way. At the end of the film, my friend and I literally said at the same time: “that’s it? Don’t tell me that’s the end.” As for running time, many people have already criticized me about that saying that a short film can be a very good one. I think “The Nightmare Before Christmas” is shorter than “9”, but when I watch “The Nightmare Before Christmas” I actually feel extremely entertained and it doesn’t have any moments where something just falls flat. But also, “The Nightmare Before Christmas” feels like a 2 hour movie to me, but “9” felt like it was 45 minutes. Another big problem I have with the film is that the chain of events is started by the stupidest thing. I won’t spoil it, but it really does cheapen the story even more.

On the positive side, this film is stunning to look at. The animation is incredible and the attention to littlest details is off the charts. The world that the director has created is great and it feels alive and genuine. The character designs are also dead-on beautiful and machines are very creative (despite there being so few of them). I honestly couldn’t have cared less who voiced the characters, but they all did a really good job. Christopher Plummer gives another great voice performance (he was also Charles Muntz in “Up”), and so does Elijah Wood. Oh, so does John C. Reily, Martin Landau, and Jennifer Connelly. The film also some very good “holy shit” moments, such as one really disturbing image seen when 9 first wakes up and goes exploring.

One word warning: take the PG-13 seriously. This film is far more violent and intense than most of the animated films being released these days. There are some pretty disturbing images and scenes, and the machines (including my favorite one) will scare the hell out of younger kids.

Overall, “9” is a beautifully animated movie that is far too simple and criminally underdeveloped. They could’ve had so much more depth and story, but the movie is simple to a fault. I don’t recommend you pay to see this in the theater, but see this when it comes out on DVD or plays at a $1 theater. C

All About Steve Review

For all of you people that loved “The Proposal” and said that Sandra Bullock still had that magic comedic tough, I have one thing to say to you: you were wrong motherfuckers. Absolutely, horrifyingly, positively wrong. There is only one way I can describe Sandra Bullock’s character in this film: she is Jar-Jar Binks, times a thousand. I’d rather listen to a Jar-Jar Binks comedy routine than ever hear a single syllable come out of Sandra Bullock’s character’s mouth ever again. I am mad as hell that I saw this movie. I don’t want to write a long review about it, so I’m just going to keep this short. Do not pay a single goddamn penny for this movie. If you’re smart enough to listen to me, you will have avoided wasting precious time and money. Don’t even go to a free screening, and you will have saved yourself seven months of mental restoration. “All About Steve” gets TWO GIANT MIDDLE FINGERS UP! It’s almost the worst movie of the year, but it’s still a fucking mess. Fuck this movie. I want it to be locked up and thrown into the ocean where I never have to hear about it again. F