The Final Destination Review

When describing “The Final Destination”, I will only use two words: unnecessary bullshit. This film has no reason to exist other than to make us watch (once again) a group of stupid teenagers get brutally killed in some of most unique and totally unrealistic ways. This film is goddamn awful. It is horribly flawed on so many levels. The dialogue is crap, the acting sucks, and the 3-D is completely unnecessary. But, at the same time, I cannot (and will not) deny that I experienced a sick sense of joy watching these retarded teenagers get massacred by everyday objects. On that level of the creativity of the deaths, this film works really well.

Let’s just get one thing out of the way: this is a terrible movie. The dialogue feels really forced and has zero creativity in it. The dialogue is just there to move the movie from one gory death to another. If they had made this movie dialogue-free, I would’ve loved it. But, the dialogue is also at another level o bad when you have some of the worst actors reading it. Nobody in this movie gives a good performance, and you feel no sympathy for any of these people when they either get crushed, mauled, burned, blown up, decapitated, drowned, and many other ways of death.

On the other hand, the death scenes are so fun to watch. When character that has annoyed through-out the whole movie experiences a horrible, gory death, you’re going to forget all the serious flaws that this movie has. The deaths keep getting better and better with each movie, and here it’s just awesome watching somebody die. My favorite scene out of this whole movie is one that involves an escalator, but I won’t spoil it.

Overall, “The Final Destination” is one of the biggest guilty pleasures I have ever seen. It’s horribly flawed, but the death scenes make you forget about those flaws. If you’re going into this expecting a good story, great characters, and solid writers, this ain’t your movie. But if you’re one of those people that love watching gory effects and annoying characters get destroyed to a gory pulp, this is your movie. C+

Inglourious Basterds Review

For the past 20 years, Quentin Tarantino has made some the weirdest, most violent, and f-bomb filled films I have ever seen. He has a directing and writing style that is unique, and he adds zest and flavor to each of his films; from “Reservoir Dogs”, to “Pulp Fiction”, the “Kill Bill” movies, and now “Inglourious Basterds”. But, he hasn’t made a great Quentin Tarantino movie since “Pulp Fiction”. He’s made very good movies that have a unique style, but most of them don’t feel like a Quentin Tarantino movie. But, with “Inglourious Basterds”, Tarantino has finally made another great movie. It has smart, snappy dialogue, lots of blood and gore, strong language, and quirky characters. It might not be as good as “Pulp Fiction”, but it’s still one hell of a ride.

“Inglourious Basterds” (like most Tarantino movies) consists of interwoven storylines. One storyline involves a Jewish woman who (years before) witnessed the slaughter of her entire family at the hands of the Nazi officer Col. Hans Landa (played by Christoph Waltz), and now plans revenge on the Nazis the killed her family. Another storyline involves the Basterds, a group of guerilla soldiers led by Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt), who go around brutally killing and scalping Nazis. The storylines here are very well-developed and very entertaining, but the weakest one is the one with the Jewish woman hell-bent on revenge. Her storyline is interesting, but no where near as engaging and fun to watch as the storyline involving the Basterds. These guys are awesome, and with a universally excellent cast, you feel a real connection with these guys even if what they are doing seems animal-like to you.

When I said “Inglourious Basterds” features an excellent cast , I’m not kidding. I still may not be able to forgive Paul Rust for being in “I Love You, Beth Cooper”, but he’s very good here. The three greatest performances I think are by: Brad Pitt, Christoph Waltz, and voice-over performance from Samuel L. Jackson. Brad Pitt with his hilarious accent feels like a genuine anti-hero and you root for this guy till the very end. Brad Pitt makes him charismatic, charming, and downright psychotic, and gives one of his best performances in years. Christoph Waltz also gives a great performance, and deserves a Best Supporting Actor nomination. Like Brad Pitt, he is charming, venomous, and downright brilliant. He may be an evil son of a bitch in the movie, but I would have dinner with this guy. He may kill me, but it’d be worth it. The supporting cast is also very good including Eli Roth, Diane Kruger, Mike Myers (yes, the Austin Powers Mike Myers), and Melanie Laurent.

One serious word of warning, this is a really violent movie. Even coming from Quentin Tarantino, some of the scenes in this film are shockingly gory and feature some very gruesome images. While it doesn’t even have one-tenth of the f-bombs that “Pulp Fiction” had, the violence makes this another hard-R Tarantino movie. Parents use extreme caution.

There are some problems with this movie. The biggest problem is that it’s way too long, and it doesn’t help that some of the scenes drag on long after I’m satisfied with them. At 149 minutes, it can get boring, but if it were 120 minutes, this would’ve been a much better movie. Another big problem I had with the film was some of the dialogue. While most of it is very, very good, I felt some pieces of dialogue to awkward and out of place. Tarantino also makes so many references to other movies in this film, and they don’t help the film. They just feel even more out of place. Also, there’s a subplot involving Diane Kruger that I felt wasn’t necessary. As gorgeous as she is and as great of a performance she delivers, the subplot felt hollow and (once again) out of place. For those expecting a realistic portrayal of an alternate reality with deep moral issues and realistic action, you’re completely fucked. Like the Kill Bill movies, it’s not very realistic and it’s really over-the-top.

Overall, “Inglourious Basterds” is another strong addition to great movie month of August 2009. It’s gritty, over-the-top, and a lot of fun to watch. While it does have its issues, I had a great time and for my money, that’s all I want. A-

The Time Traveler's Wife Review

To be honest, “The Time Traveler’s Wife” is so much better than what it seems like in the trailer, but to me, that’s still not really saying a lot. From I saw in the trailer, this film looked absolutely retarded; another boring, melodramatic romance. Plus, having Eric Bana as your leading man doesn’t really help the situation for me, because the last he was the lead in a romance movie (“Lucky You”), that film bombed. This film reminds of “The Notebook”, which ironically also stars Rachel McAdams. Both movies are about two lovers that are destined to be together, but certain circumstances occur where they can’t be together, or are together a short period of time. If “The Notebook” and “Slaughterhouse-Five” had a child, “The Time Traveler’s Wife” would be their baby. It has the true love aspect of “The Notebook” and the random time-traveling craziness of “Slaughterhouse-Five”. But in this case, the parents are better than the kid. “The Time Traveler’s Wife” is sweet and heartfelt at times, but the other times it’s very melodramatic and downright ridiculous.

I can hear my friends that are girls saying: Ridiculous? But, Adam, it’s a story about how love conquers all. It’s so sweet.

Yes, it has its sweet moments. I just said that. But I also said that after those sweet are over with, I’m stuck with melodramatic crap for another twenty minutes. After watching Eric Bana’s character trying to figure out where the hell he is for the fiftieth time, it starts to get on my nerves.

Okay, this movie is about a guy named Henry DeTamble (Eric Bana) who’s born with a disease that causes him to travel time when he is stressed. He can’t control where or when he’ll go. He also meets a girl named Claire (Rachel McAdams) whom he falls in love with. They go through the normal marriage phases: first-time sex, marriage, kids, miscarriages, arguments, make-ups, deaths, and so on and so forth. The problem with their marriage is that he time-travels (a lot), and she has to wait for him to return for very long stretches of time.

I’ve been hearing a lot of complaints that say that this film has a very complicated and confusing story. To me, this movie was as easy to understand as “Green Eggs and Ham”. If you can watch “Lost” and know what the hell is going on, you’ll be alright following the story in this movie. Probably the scene that I liked the most happens towards the end. It’s very sad, and I almost cried. It wasn’t a “Wall-E” or “Up” moment, but it was very sad. And another thing I liked about this movie that every time I felt something for these characters, it didn’t feeling I was being manipulated. I felt a sincere connection to some of these characters. For us guys that aren’t really keen to these romance movies, there will be a couple of moments where you will laugh and crack jokes. There is one scene that had me cracking up, and it wasn’t intentional. It was the scene where a 40 year old Henry meets a 6 year old Claire. It might’ve been sweet in the book, but it looks like he going to molest her in the movie. The film has its unintentionally funny moments, so be warned.

One thing that terrible in this movie was the acting. Every time somebody opened their mouths to say something, it seemed like they didn’t give a shit what was going on at the moment. Eric Bana has been good (“Munich”), but he’s just bad here. He almost has one note through-out the entire film, and he kills some of the more serious scenes. I love Rachel McAdams. I’ve always admired her, but she gives one of her worst performances here. She talks in this annoying raspy voice throughout the movie, and it got on my nerves (especially when she and Bana are yelling at each other). She doesn’t do it all the time, but it’s painful when she uses that voice.

Overall, “The Time Traveler’s Wife” is a surprisingly decent movie, but it’s far from great. If you have one in your town, go see this movie at a $1 theater. If this film didn’t have some of those sweet moments, I would’ve given this a much lower grade. But since those sweet moments are present in this film, I like this movie a little bit more than I thought I would. B-

Ponyo Review

Released in North America simply as “Ponyo”.

2009 has been a great year for animation, and “Ponyo” continues that streak of great animated films. Hayao Miyazaki has created another fantastic movie that proves animated films are just as good as many of those undeserved Best Picture nominees. With a good story (if not slightly familiar a la “The Little Mermaid”), a very talented voice-acting cast, and beautiful animation, “Ponyo” will delight and bewitch kids and adults alike. Still, there are some minor problems with “Ponyo” that keep it from being another Miyazaki masterpiece, like “Princess Mononoke” and “Spirited Away”.

The biggest surprise for me about “Ponyo” is that the voice-cast is actually prefect. I was very worried that Disney had hired Noah Cyrus and Frankie Jonas to promote Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers, but they knew what they were doing when they cast these two young, talented actors to play the leading roles. Their voices fit their characters perfectly and they bring to characters to life with such personality and charisma. Not that many great actors take voice-acting seriously, but all of the adult actors voicing supporting characters are incredible. Liam Neeson (on a streak of great performances) and Cate Blanchett have fantastic screen presence as Ponyo’s parents, and their characters are animated perfectly to fit their booming and commanding voices. Tina Fey also gives a very sweet performance as Sosuke’s mom. Bravo all around for the incredible voice talents.

Once again, the animation in this film is gorgeous. The animators alone deserve Academy Awards. The character animations are incredibly detailed and fit their voices perfectly. Another thing I thought that was animated gorgeously was the ocean. Sometimes animators are lazy when designing an ocean in an animated film by saying “it’s just a damn ocean”. That damn ocean is a big part of this movie, and they succeeded in making the ocean look beautiful and breath-taking. In fact, it looked gorgeous I wanted to jump into the movie just to take a swim in that ocean. There’s also one scene where the ocean goes complete berserk with sea life erupting out and waves crashing everywhere, and it’s a sight to behold. The amount of strenuous hours these animators have put in has totally paid off.

Now here’s the section where the problems come into view. Even though Miyazaki is an extraordinarily gifted story-teller, sometimes he can tell too much story. There’s one subplot in this film that did not work for me at all and didn’t feel right being in this film. I won’t spoil it, but if Miyazaki had removed it from the film, the film would’ve a lot more fluent. Not that it’s terrible subplot (it’s a very good one), but it’s just not developed enough for it to be included in this film. But besides that one subplot, the story here is magnificent.

Overall, “Ponyo” is another great film from Hayao Miyazaki. Even though it’s not one of his masterpieces, it’s still a wonderful movie worth checking out. It’s one of the best animated films of the year, and one of my favorite movies released this year. A

District 9 Review

Every now and then, a film of a certain genre comes along that completely changes the game. The game is science-fiction, and that film is “District 9”. Unlike “The Dark Knight”, this amazing film came out of nowhere. The first glimpse of this film we got was a poster that read “You Are Not Welcome Here”, followed by the title. But the only familiar name we get from the film is Peter Jackson, who produced the film. “District 9” is a fantastic movie that is a shining star in a summer filled with mind-less crap (I’m looking at you “Transformers”), and it’s one of the most enjoyable sci-fi films I’ve seen in a long time. Filled with great suspense, originality, and mind-blowing action, “District 9” is one of the best films I’ve seen all year.

“District 9” begins with some alien refugees from a foreign planet arriving on Earth. They are taken to a section of South Africa called District 9, and put under the watchful (if uninterested) eye of a company called Multi-National United (MNU). The real story kicks off when a member of MNU contracts an alien virus that rapidly changes his DNA, and now must flee from the MNU and seek refuge inside District 9. The story breaks free from all the usual sci-fi film clichés and comes up with a brilliant and original story that fascinated me from beginning to end. I rarely mention the ending of a film, but the ending to “District 9” is awe-inspiring. I never would’ve guessed in a million years it would end that.

The real highlight of “District 9” is the visual effects. They are stunning, to say the least, and they always convinced me that I was looking at something real and genuine. From the spaceships to the aliens themselves, the effects have amazing depth and texture. I felt like I could reach out and touch the screen, and I would be able to feel the alien’s skin. The sound design in this film is brilliant as well. When those action scenes happened, that theater shook with the might of action. I felt my heart pounding with the music while the film was going on. I stood on the edge of my seat during one particular scene towards the end, and you’ll know which scene I mean when you see it.

For a directorial debut, Neill Blomkamp, with this movie, has established himself as one of the best directors of his generation. He directs this film with a mighty eye for detail and he makes (almost) every second of this film count. Plus, he edits this film in such a beautiful way that whatever great tension and suspense was there already, we get even more. They also did a fantastic job with the casting of the film. The new kid on the block, Sharlto Copley, gives an astounding performance as the lead character. He summons every powerful emotion from his body and uses them in some of the best scenes of the movie, and his acting makes those scenes even better.

Now, notice how I said “almost” in the previous paragraph? The only complaint I have about this film, is that I wish that they had made the film longer. If they had gone the full two hours, this film would’ve been a complete masterpiece, but like “The Hurt Locker” it’s not quite there.

Overall, “District 9” is a triumph of pure entertainment and a thrill-ride for those escaping some of the weaker releases this weekend. A

G-Force Review

THIS IS A REVIEW FOR THE DISNEY DIGITAL 3-D VERSION OF “G-FORCE”, BUT THERE REALLY IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS VERSION AND THE 2-D. THEY BOTH SUCK.

The day I see a movie about talking secret agent guinea pigs that talk about hooking up on Facebook is the day I know that something is seriously wrong with society. Remember the good old days when every damn animated film had something to offer for both kids and adults? Those days are almost dead (thank Jesus for Pixar), and “G-Force” is proof of that theory. This movie has a plot that we’ve seen in a hundred movies, and it’s been done a hundred times better. It’s another fish-out-of-water where you have somebody or a shitload of people (in this case, four annoying guinea pigs) that are forced out of there comfortable environment and placed somewhere completely foreign to them. Sound familiar?

The humor is as a dry as a bone in this movie. It has very unoriginal visual gags that the kids will enjoy. I laughed once during this movie, and I maybe smiled once of twice. The rest of the time I was groaning and putting a bored look on my face.

The least they could do is try to entertain me with the 3-D crap they have in the movie that’s being so heavily advertised. I’ll admit, it looks great as a movie. The guinea pigs doing their secret agent shit is cool to look at, and the action scenes do pop out if you’re in the right mood. But, there is no reason to pay more money to see it in 3-D. I have a big fucking problem with Disney Digital 3-D. To me, it’s not really 3-D. Most of the movies that Disney makes don’t really need to be projected the Disney Digital 3-D format. It sucks to watch the 3-D “effects” on a small screen, and if you’re going to see a 3-D movie at a movie theater, go to IMAX for God sakes. This format of the 3-D did not immerse me into the experience, and it had very little experience to offer. At least Disney is doing the right thing by giving me the option to see “A Christmas Carol” and “Alice in Wonderland” in IMAX, and I’m now really looking forward to seeing “Alice in Wonderland”.

The voice actors in this movie include Nicholas Cage, Sam Rockwell, and Tracy Morgan. There were also some voice-actors that I wanted to look at, point my finger at them, and say “what the hell are you doing in this movie”? We have Penelope Cruz in this movie, fresh off the Oscar boat. She just won an undeserved Oscar and now she’s starring in this movie. Her agent needs to be fucking fired. The character she plays in this movie is a bitch. And she’s not one of those charming bitches (Bower’s daughter from “24”), she’s a hardcore bad-ass bitch. Jon Favreau is in this as well. Yes people, the director of “Iron Man” is in this movie. He has to kick me in the nuts before I can see “Iron Man 2”, but I guess it’s worth it. Bill Nighy, what the fuck are you doing this movie? He can be a great villain when he wants to (look at the last two Pirates of the Caribbean movies), but he’s just a lame dork in this movie.

You’ve heard my opinion. It’s not a good movie at all, but it still has a little bit of charm in it that kept from completely hating it. If you’ve been to high school, this is not a movie for you. There is fucking reason to see this movie at all unless you have kids who say “Mommy! Mommy! Daddy! Daddy! Take me to see “G-Force”. By then, you’re screwed. But who knows, maybe you’ll like it. I know people that are my age that loved “Ice Age 3”, and in the end it’s just my opinion. The only thing I ask you is to not see this in 3-D. It’s not worth it and you’ll probably save yourself a migraine by seeing in 2-D. But for those willing to see it in 3-D, you get to see the incredible 3-D teaser trailer for Tim Burton’s adaptation of “Alice in Wonderland”. C-

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Review

After Christopher Columbus left the directing reigns for the third Harry Potter film to Alfonso Cuaron, I noticed that I started to like the series much less with each film. I really enjoyed the first two films, but then the quality sort of dropped from then. After walking out of “Order of the Phoenix” feeling very disappointed, I was very concerned about how my least favorite Harry Potter book could be made into a great movie and with the same cast and crew. What surprised me about this film is how goddamn emotionally powerful it is. From the romantic subplots to the nail-biting suspense, every second of this amazing film had me in wonderment. I haven’t loved a Harry Potter film since “Chamber of Secrets”, and that was seven years ago. “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” is the best Harry Potter movie ever made, and one of the year’s best films. I can’t wait to see this movie again.

I don’t remember much about the book, but I was hugely entertained by the way they constructed the story and all the romantic subplots. Probably the biggest surprise for me was the fact that I actually cared and gave a damn about the teenage romances we see in this film. In fact, I liked the romantic subplots more than I liked the story. The relationship that Hermione and Ron share is similar to the one that Beatrice and Benedick shared in Shakespeare’s “Much Ado about Nothing”. The love/hate relationship they have and the chemistry between them is off-charts and you feel like they were destined to be together during the whole movie. But, let’s not forget about Harry and Ginny. In one of the film’s best scenes, Harry is comforting Hermione after she witnesses Ron kissing another girl. While crying, Hermione asks Harry what it feels like when he sees Ginny kissing another boy. He replies: “it feels like this.” It’s such a delight hearing so much honesty from the characters, and it breaks your heart to hear Harry utter those words. It’s so refreshing to know that I am willingly letting myself become attached to these characters and actually caring about their fates. The main story itself is fantastic. There are some incredibly funny scenes in this film, and some just as equally frightening and disturbing.

My, my, my, how these actors have grown. Daniel Radcliffe is one hell of an actor! He conveys incredible acting talent in some of film’s crucial moments. Like I mentioned above, we can feel his every little emotion behind his words and it’s wonderful to see Radcliffe grow into such a mature and convincing actor. Rupert Grint is still mostly there for comic relief but he has his shining moments as well. Plus, he has such great chemistry with Emma Watson, who deserves a Best Supporting Actress nomination as Hermione Granger. Even the adult characters are amazing, including Michael Gambon, Alan Rickman, Jim Broadbent, and Helena Bonham Carter. Even Tom Felton transforms Draco Malfoy from a whiny loser to a sinister villain.

If this film does not at least get nominated for Best Visual Effects, I will be astounded. The environments are breath-taking to look at and they pack so many details into each shot. When looking at the environments, I felt that they were extremely realistic and I wanted to jump into the film and explore this amazing world. The spell effects are also truly groundbreaking. The way the illuminating spell’s light reflects off the environment is amazing and the attack spells are unleashed upon the environment with extremely realistic results.

Look, I’m running out of positive things to say about this film. The score is excellent. The costume design is excellent. The list goes on and on and on.

Overall, “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” succeeded my expectations and it is now my favorite Harry Potter film. It’s a magical experience. I look forward to the final two movies and hope they are just as wondrous and magical as this film. A+